Title: Classic French Omelet
Author: sprx77/Tim Wren
Fandom: Worm (Parahumans Series by Wildbow)
Relationship: On screen: Alec/Lisa Wilbourn/Brian Laborn, discussed Alec/Taylor Hebert/Brian Laborn/Rachel Lindt/Lisa Wilbourn (Polysiders)
Genre Tags: Coming out/(trans)gender discussions, getting together, friends to lovers,
Warnings: Teenagers kissing, slurs (real terms queer people used in the nineties to describe themselves), unrealistically gender/PC aware teenagers in 2011-ish.
Word Count: 2,651
Summary: “You can be a girl that uses ‘he’ and ‘him.’ Idiot.” Lisa tapped him on the nose. Alec scowled up at her, and Brian could see the exact moment the words registered, his face going slack.
“That’s not a thing.” He denied instantly.
–
They three of them were lounging around the loft, in no particular hurry. It was a Sunday afternoon. Brian didn’t remember what started it, maybe some stray comment about how Alec was pretty enough to be a girl. And then that he’d look really good as one.
“Yeah, but I can’t be a girl.” Alec laughed. “Sucks, I know.”
Brian side-eyed him. Leaned back, exchanged a look with Lisa. He wasn’t an expert in this kind of thing– though he’d been reading up ever since Taylor joined the team– but that didn’t sound… right.
“Alec. Baby honeycakes. Sweetheart. Wanting to be a girl is a symptom of being a girl.” Lisa squinted at him, tugging the boy– the nerve Master?– into her lap.
Alec looked up at her surprised.
“I’ve heard that before, yeah. But it doens’t matter. I…” He trailed off mumbling.
Lisa squished his cheeks.
“Louder.” She admonished.
“I said, I like using ‘he’ and ‘him’ too much. I hate ‘she’ and ‘her.’ That means I’m not a girl, or whatever.” Alec looked away with a hint of pink to his cheeks, not quite pouting.
Brian stared.
Lisa also stared.
“Um, you know how non-binary people can use she/her and he/him pronouns when they’re neither?” Brian pulled at and stole one of Alec’s hands, rubbing it between his fingers in what he hoped was comforting.
“Sure.” Alec said, already looking bored. He hated textbook-style stuff.
“Nonbinary people aren’t boys or girls. But they can use those– he/him, she/her– pronouns. If they like them better.” Brian said slowly, still feeling awkward about this.
He’d literally read it in a book and the words felt stupid, disconnected from real meaning, like he was regurgitating definitions.
Lisa sighed, pinching Alec’s cheeks again. He waved her off grumpily.
“You literally just repeated yourself.” He said, raising an eyebrow. A kind of get to the point.
“You can be a girl that uses ‘he’ and ‘him.’ Idiot.” Lisa tapped him on the nose. Alec scowled up at her, and Brian could see the exact moment the words registered, his face going slack.
“That’s not a thing.” He denied instantly. He tried to get out of her lap and Lisa let him.
“He/him lesbians are a thing, even.” Brian said carefully. “There was a whole chapter about it.”
“Not everything is in your gender studies book!” Alec snapped, before running a hand through his hair, eyes wide. “Fuck, sorry, nevermind.”
“A few decades ago, before PC was a thing, a lot of trans folk were just calling themselves whatever they wanted. Things that would get them cancelled hard, like–” Brian took a breath. “Tranny dykefag or ‘heavy bottom boychick that likes fat girls’.”
He blushed and Alec turned to him with fascination, making the discomfort worth it.
“Say more things.”
“Are you listening to what I’m saying or do you just like me using slurs positively?” Brian said dryly. “Someone said ‘I’m a good little boy, but a bad little girl.’ Another: a ‘boy-girl-faggy butch with an avid appreciation for femmes and het sex’.”
Alec’s eyes were wide, his soft mouth dropped open.
“That’s… I thought it was all little boxes now. Trans-girl, trans-guy, nobinary, genderqueer… whatever.”
Brian held out a hand and Alec climbed into his lap, comfortable with it in a way he wouldn’t have been even a month ago.
“You were born in the wrong decade.” Lisa said. “I could see you making waves in the eighties calling yourself the most ridiculous things you can think of.”
Alec pawed at Brian’s chest.
“Say something else that will blow my mind.”
Brian sighed.
“One person called themselves an ‘omnisexual, omnigender pervert fag transman in a biofemale body’.”
Alec’s pupils dilated. He took a shaky breath.
“Okay, it’s really unexpectedly doing it for me, hearing you say shit like that but still…” He laughed again. “I can’t just be a girl and still call myself ‘he’, that’s not… allowed, I guess? That feels so stupid. What would even change. There’s no point. Nobody would even talk about me different, and I still like my dick.”
Lisa snorted.
“Bri, are you comfortable showing him what would change?” She tapped a hand on Alec’s knee.
Alec suddenly looked icnredibly wary for someone with a completely blank face.
“Yeah, I could try.” Brian cupped Alec’s hand, careful not to unbalance him from his precarious position in Brian’s lap. “Is that okay, baby?”
“Sometimes I think we’re all half a step away from dating each other, like, one big giant fiveway thing.” Alec shuddered. “Sure, try to convince me.”
“You like your dick, yeah? Do you like it even more if you’re a pretty girl who just happens to be hung?” Brian ran his thumb over Alec’s cheek. “A big hand wrapped around your girl-cock while you moan sweetly, and they’re really hoping you’ll be their girlfriend?”
Alec covered his face and slipped off Brian’s lap, Lisa making room for him between them. He groaned like he was dying.
“Why would you say that,” He hissed. “C’mon, I don’t get to just. Be a girl. That can’t…”
“If you want to be a girl, you can be a girl.” Lisa said, unimpressed.
“Yeah, but you won’t see me as a girl. You’ll just think ‘that’s Alec, being a fucking pervert again.’ He gets off on genderplay, or whatever.” The hand covering his face shook.
“Or maybe we don’t care what gender you are, and just want you to be happy.” Lisa countered. “What difference does it make?”
“Exactly,” Alec said, a little too loudly. “What difference would it even make? There’s no point. I don’t even– I like the way I look, too, did you think about that? I like my chest being flat and my– like Brian already said, and I– don’t want to change anything about myself. So it doesn’t count.”
Brian pulled at him again, until Alec was back in his lap. For all his verbal protests he went easily, wrapping arms around Brian’s neck and leaning in.
“That’s my girl.” Brian tried, voice shaking a little. It did feel inappropriate and hot and a bit wrong, but not in a bad way. Definitely not in a bad way.
“Nnnnooo.” Alec moaned. “C’mon, wanting to be called ‘good girl’ in bed is just a kink thing. A sex kink-thing. Degredation or whatever. It doesn’t mean you’re trans.”
“It doesn’t, no. But it could.” Lisa reached out, rubbed Alec’s back slowly. “Do you want to try it out? Be a girl for a few days and see if you like it?”
Alec stared blankly at her.
“This is way too embarrassing. That’s so fucking cringe, though. Like, hey, you don’t think of my gender at all, but could you please try out this stupid thing with me? No, don’t change how you talk about me, don’t change anything, just– count me as a girl on the off chance it comes up?”
“You think we won’t do that for you?” Lisa asked.
“And what about Taylor, huh? She’s really trans, like, the full whole thing. You want to explain to her that Alec’s–” Here his voice broke, “– a fucking girl now but still dressing like a boy, acting like a boy, using boy pronouns and–”
“– She will be fine with it.” Lisa rolled her eyes. “And if not, we’ll have a long talk. Are you uncomfortable with it?”
“A little!”
Brian stroked up and down Alec’s sides. It did stretch his mind, a little bit, but it wasn’t… unpleasant? He should probably feel bad. ‘He’s a girl’ was a thought that would have twisted his brain up in knots half a year ago.
Now it was kind of hot.
“I think I might be feticizing you.” He murmured, only really aware he said it out loud when Alec stared.
“Um.” Brian blushed a bit. “Look… shut up.”
“Suddenly I’m a lot more interested in this than I was.”
“I hate you.” Brian tried, his own voice shaky.
“And what about you, huh?” Alec leaned in, brushing their cheeks together briefly. “You don’t like boys. Will pretending to be a girl sometimes mean you like me?”
“God help me,” Lisa muttered under her breath. Then, louder: “It’s not really pretending though, is it?”
“It feels like pretending.” Alec dismissed her. “It feels like I’m not really a… girl. And like I won’t be or can’t be, or whatever.”
“I like Taylor, and she’s a girl.” Brian said calmly. “So, I don’t see why not.”
That shut him up. Alec actually flushed.
“C’mon, you don’t mean that. She grew her hair out and takes hormones for her tits and stuff. Femme-presenting or whatever.” Alec made quotation marks.
“I like girls.” Brian said slowly, tightening his grip on Alec’s hips and watching Alec register it. Watching him squirm a bit and his eyes get a little wide and his soft mouth parting on an almost-gasp. “Even girls with dicks, sometimes.”
“I– that’s bullshit. You didn’t like me five minutes ago. What, a random– hypothetical– gender thing makes that much of a difference?” The girl in his lap demanded, his brows furrowing with displeasure.
“Alec.” Brian said, drawing him closer. “I liked you five minutes ago.”
“… what?”
“I liked you five days ago, too.” Brian lifted his hands to his waist, and then his ribs, pulling him closer. “Not five months ago, I don’t think, but…”
Brian bit his lip.
“Five people dating is called polyamory.” He continued. “The people doing it are in a ‘polycule’, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it as long as everyone involved is happy.”
“Um.” Alec said. “I’m starting to think we should take away your gender studies book, ha ha, you’re talking crazy.”
“Baby.” Brian kissed his jaw, he was close enough now, and Alec’s breath loudly and obviously hitched. “Do you want to be our girlfriend?”
“You can’t ask me out for Taylor and Rachel. Or Lisa.” He tacked on as an afterthought.
“Lis?” Brian checked and she hummed, watching with half-lidded eyes.
“You can ask him out for me.” She decided, to much Alec-shapped sputtering.
“Well?” Brian said. “Do you want to date me and Lisa, and maybe Taylor and Rachel?”
“I…” Alec bit his lip. “Do I have to be a girl for it? Because that still sounds like a lot of bullshit.”
“You can be our boyfriend or our girlfriend.” Brian said easily. “Or sometimes both, or neither.”
“That feels… not allowed.” Alec said cautiously.
Brian smiled. “Nothing’s ‘allowed’ or ‘not allowed’. It’s just what makes you happy.”
“That’s gay. This whole conversation is gay. It’s stupid. If I’m doing all the boy stuff except literally being a boy, I should just keep being a boy and we forget all about this.”
“Alright, let’s try an experiment.” Lisa said evily, with her evil mouth. Brian was immedaitely afraid. “You want to kiss me like a boy, or do you want to climb in my lap and have hot lesbian make outs?”
“This is a trap.” Alec squinted at her. “Brian, you know this is a trap, too, right?”
“I think… I want to watch my girlfriends make out.” Brian said, unsurprised to find his voice low and husky. Alec shivered.
“That’s really not fair.” He complained. “Also, I haven’t agreed to shit.”
“Ah, my bad.” Brian adjusted Alec’s weight on his lap. Brian bit his lip.
Alec noticed, a brow raised.
“Oh.” He said a second later. “You’re… really? For me?”
Slowly, Brian nodded.
“That’s… really fucking nice, actually. Is my ability to sit on that dick contingent on agreeing to the girlfriend thing?”
“Does it make me a slimeball if I say no?” Brian laughed. “God, sweetheart. At this point I’d agree to it, even if I felt dirty after.”
Alec stared at him.
“Call me… that thing you call Taylor when she gets a move right in a spar.” He demanded, suddenly.
Next to them Lisa groaned.
It took Brian a second longer. Fuck, he was impaired, having Alec in his lap was such a distraction.
He reached up again and cupped Alec’s jaw, sliding a thumb over his pouty lower lip.
“Good girl.” Brian said, trying to go for the same tone he used with their teammate.
“Wow.” Alec said, voice wrecked. “Yeah, it obviously means nothing if I didn’t earn it.”
“Okay, try this then.” Brian stroked his lip again, using a bit more force. Alec’s mouth parted and he wet the tip with his tongue. When Brian pressed in, just slightly, Alec jolted like he’d been electroucted and sucked on Brian’s thumb, eyes going half-lidded at once.
“Good girl.” Brian repeated, rubbing his tongue a little. “That’s so hot. So good for me. Suck.”
“Mmng.” Alec moaned a little, cheeks pink. He slowly pulled Brian’s thumb deeper into his mouth, the darkness Shaker giving a little rhythm to it, fucking in and out very slightly.
“Fucking Christ.” Lisa said, panting. “What is with this sudden and new appreciation for brunette girls getting hard in your lap? I need to see Taylor do this.”
They both groaned for that, low and loud.
“Mfay.” Alec tried to say, muffled by Brian’s hand. The boy moved it away. “Okay, fuck. Fine. I’ll date you. I’ll date the other two, too, but you’ll have to console me when it all goes up in flames.”
“Deal.” Brian said, before he could recant it. “Lisa?”
“I have a type, it seems.” The other girl said dryly. “I’m game if the others are.”
“Do we have to tell them?” Alec blurted. “I mean… I can be a boy. I’ve always been a boy. It’s easier.”
“You make me want to play dumb games.” Brian muttered. “Kinky little games like ‘good girls shut up and let it happen.’ I’m aware that’s not how it works, though, don’t worry.”
“Um. We can revisit that game sometime.” Alec was wide-eyed. So was Lisa.
“Sure.” Lisa said faintly.
“I mean. If you say shit like that when you’re in me, I won’t care if it’s dumb. Say all kinds of hot stuff about what makes me a ‘good girl’ and I won’t even care how stupid it was, later.”
“As long as you cum, hmm?” Brian wasn’t getting any softer, and he could feel his IQ dropping. Alec still in his lap. Pretty girl go brrrr.
“Lisa, I think we’ve lost him.”
“You have been sitting in his lap the past ten minutes, sweetie. There’s only so much boys can take.”
Alec flushed heavier.
“He doesn’t like me like that.” He mumbled.
“Oh, yes he does.” Lisa countered, amused. “Look at your boyfriend. Look at his face. Totally gone.”
Alec eyed him and Brian tried to smile, the lopsided smile that made Taylor stare sometimes.
“Yeah, okay, fair point. You’ll text the others?”
“Way ahead of you.” Lisa was already on her phone.
“Alright,” Alec laughed, sounding faintly incredulous for some reason. “Fuck, fine, yeah. Brian. Can I kiss you?”
Brian nodded slowly.
Alec leaned forward and pressed their lips together, soft and sweet.
“Good girl.” He murmured without thinking about it, and was rewarded with a soft, shocked moan for his efforts. Alec’s eyes were still wide. Brian kissed him again.
After a few mintues, the dark-haired girl pulled back with wet lips and a shiver.
“I almost hope the other two say no.” Alec said, with a tinge of desperation. “We’re not going to survive this, otherwise.”
“If you coming out of the closet is the thing that finally gets us all together,” Lisa said with amusement, “Then… I’m fine with that, actually.”
“What she said.” Brian agreed, pulling Alec in for another kiss.
–
Note: All the quotes and terms used are real historical and anecdotal terms trans and queer people have used to describe themselves, as compiled in: My New Gender Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity, by Kate Bornstein. Available here as a PDF: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/2019-03-16_5c8d897ecfb93_kate-bornstein-my-new-gender-workbook-a-stepbystep-guide-to-achieving-world-peace-through-gender-anarchy-and-sex-positivity.pdf